I could sleep standing on one leg with one arm tied behind my back!!!

5 weeks and 2 days after my surgery, how do I feel? Not great. Some sort of normal-ness is returning, I guess, although, not really. There is nothing normal about not feeling your entire chin. I think the feeling in my upper lip and face is returning nicely, but not the chin, its throbs most of the time, but how I feel it throb without any feeling is beyond me.

I notice it at night the most. When I'm trying to get to sleep....all I feel is the throbbing, makes it hard to get to sleep. Hard to sleep, wow those are words that aren't in my vocabulary!! With severe sleep apnea getting to sleep was never an issue. I could sleep standing on one leg with one arm tied behind my back!! It was the actual sleep, that didn't do me any good. Now I've traded it in for some major face re-arangment, the inability to fall asleep and some good sleep once I do nod off...... I know this whole ordeal is for the better, that is why I chose it, but it has not been easy.

So back to the other stuff, well, normality, not really. I still look in the mirror and barely recognize myself. My face seems bigger maybe wider, yet I've lost 30 pounds. My nose although not as upturned as it was when my swelling was huge, is still upturned a bit. Its just not me.......I suppose it will take time to get used to the new me. My wife calls me her new husband..........I look that different. I was expecting to be a bit different, but I guess the reality of it is still a shock no matter what you have in your mind prior to the surgery.

So I've spent most of 4 weeks in bed. Although other people who have had this surgery and blogged about it, say they were up and moving after a couple weeks, I had no motivation to get out of bed. In my mind, I just wanted to sleep as much of this ordeal away as possible. Kinda like going on long car trips as a kid (way before DVD players and video games). If you slept the whole way it was great, you fall asleep, when you wake up, your there. If you stayed up, the boredom set in and you were miserable, and your parents were miserable listening to you!!! My idea, was the longer I stayed in bed and slept, the sooner I'd be back to normal. I can't really do that anymore, I've had to get back to work. So what is normal now. I can only be up for short amounts of time, the more I'm up and moving about, I feel my face start getting puffier and achy, so I try to do things in short spurts as to not wear myself out.

Since I've lost 30 pounds so far, I guess I'm a bit weak. I tried going to the pool with my family. That didn't turn out so good. I floated around the pool tried to take it easy, got out, sat in the hot tub for 10 minutes or so, was feeling ok. Got up to take a shower, and that is when normal went bye bye. I started feeling dizzy, nauseous........boom.....I passed out. Woke up sitting on the floor of the shower stall. I stood back up, and boom.....passed out again. Woke up again sitting on the floor. Luckily, I fell against one of the 3 walls both times and just slid down the wall to my butt. This could have been bad!!! What if I fell and hit my face??? would my jaws have re-broke in the crash, could this negate my surgery?? Or worse....I could have got an even worse head wound.....work for Dr.'s and hear about subdural hematomas.......this will make any bump to the head a nightmare!!! I think it was a combination of things that caused me to pass out. 1. I was really hungry. I hadn't eaten (drank) any food for a few hours. 2. the swimming / cold water wore me out. 3. The hot tub was HOT, which lowers your blood pressure, then when I got out. Well it dropped even more, hello passout. Google passing out and hot tubs, I've never heard of this before but I guess it happens. So, not a normal trip to the pool for me, more like a trip to scaresville!!!!

So, the pain.....mostly gone.....the more I talk and am up I do get some aches in the jaws.....also a headache seems to come up when I over do it. Drooling is much less, now that my face isn't as swollen. Eating liquids is still a challenge, I can't wait to chew food again. Having inner ear pain and sinus problems is not fun. I've had liquid in my inner ear canals and shooting pains in my ears at times, even this far along, although less, it's still a problem. Losing 30 pounds in 5 weeks is a bonus, I could stand to lose another 10-15 pounds, time will tell on that one. Lip and tongue sores due to the hardware are a come and go thing. Very similar to having orthodontics / braces. As mentioned above lack of feeling is anoying. Sleep once I get to sleep is good I think (sleep study should prove this, I'm kinda looking forward to what I hope is my final sleep study). Keeping positive has been tough. As much as this is a physical intrusion on your body, it is the same amount a mental intrusion, I didn't think I would affect me as much as it has. I guess I still have the superman mentality of a young male, that it won't be that bad, I'm Superman!!

Next week at the 6 week mark, I get to go see the surgeons again for another progress checkup. I'm hoping to get some looser bands and be able to open my jaws a little for the first time. We will see.

I can't wait till I'm done with this ordeal!!!!! Until then I will keep trying to adapt to myself being completely different, in so many ways, than I was just 5 weeks and 2 days ago.

Out of order?

I'm now beyond week 3, I know I skipped a couple weeks in the blog...I'll fill them in later. Overall...this experience is a supreme struggle. Now after 3 weeks, I can say I'm feeling better in that I have very little jaw pain and I'm getting some of my energy/appetite back. The main problem now is ear pain and my most recent addition of pain, a sore on my tongue, and of course with my mouth banded shut...I cant get at it to even look at it. Then there is the chin throbbing. Good thing I still have some oxycodone left....this takes the pain away...period, good stuff. Now I'm not one for drugs... I take what I need and try to get off them asap. I've been doing half doses as needed. I hope these pains are even more temporary than the jaw pains.

Swelling is under control, I still have some, but its not going up and down as it was in past weeks. Looking forward to the day when my face returns back to normal....or at least the the new normal, I have no idea that that will be. This messes with the mind....
I'm now drinking from a cup instead of the syringe, this makes eating a bit easier, and life a bit easier for my wonderful wife.

So I don't feel so "out of order" but its very difficult to get anything done that requires me to sit upright or stand. Its the DROOL. With a lip you can't feel, and a malformed mouth because of the remaining swelling, its like a drool faucet. Remember the numb face you last had at the dentist appointment and then stretch that numbness out for a long period of time(possibly forever!) You end up drooling on everything you touch, this is very frustrating, VERY!!! This too, I'm hoping is very temporary.

So its down to some excruciating ear pain, a sore on my tongue, a throbbing chin and the mental game. Let me tell you about the mental game. No matter how much you read and try to prepare yourself for the mental game, it messes with your head. All I want is to open my mouth and eat like a normal person and I can't. So what do you do when your sitting around in bed, watch TV, and what is on every 10 minutes? Commercials, and not just any commercials, food commercials......pure torture. Then as I mentioned before, the normal face? Looking at yourself in the mirror not knowing what your going to look like is a mind blowing.

So the good parts!!! There is a positive side to the surgery. I sleep!!! My wife sleeps!! And I dream, dreams are a rare thing when you have OSA. I still think it will be worth it, its just a struggle to keep positive over such a long healing period.